Guide to The User Friendly

OK CORRAL: Grid for What’s Happening

 

by

 

Franklin H. Ernst Jr., M.D.

 

Text Box: These are the Cartesian Coordinates of Social Behavior

 

 

 

 

The outcome of an event between two people, “You  &  I”, can be diagrammed.

 

            You can’t say anything the other person won’t take as either an OK or a NOT-OK. Events between people conclude with experiencing a sense of personal OK or NOT-OK and also about the other party being OK or NOT-OK. These experiences and the results on the person, what happens to him next, are what the OK CORRAL shows how to figure out and sort. See Figure A.

 

 

 

 

 

CONSTRUCTION   OF   THIS   DIAGRAM:

 

1a.  I am OK is an “I+” arrow pointing right. For example: “I am good, going ahead. I feel good, confident. I have (more) power, control. I know what I’m doing, I know what I’m talking about. I’m on time. I’m courteous. I’m boss,” or other. 

 

                       

 

1b. I am NOT-OK is an “I” arrow to the left. “I going backward, losing ground, going bald. I’m sick. I feel bad, low, fearful. I feel helpless, hopeless. I’m late. There I go again!”, or other.

 

                       

 

1c. Combining These: 

            For example:  … “I did bad”  ……….  “I did good.”

 

                        Text Box: I- I+ Figure 1c.

 

 

 

 

2. The other half of the event is “You”, “U” for short.

 

2a. You are OK is a “U+” arrow pointing up. For example: “I look up to you. I value you. You are right. You have (more) power, control. You have (more) money, status. You are courageous. You are loyal,” etc.    

                       

2b. You are NOT-OK is a “U-“ arrow pointing down. “I look down on, disapprove of U. U hurt my feelings, U made me cry. U are contemptible. There U go again! U’re a coward. U’re stupid! Damn U!” “Putdowns” are You-are-Not-OKs.

                       

   

2c. Combining these two arrow points:

 

           

 

The OK Corral measures and sorts behaviors. It may have psychological uses, but here, it is about what you can see.

 

 

3. The coordinates of experience:

            When these arrows are overlaid we see each experience concludes in one of the four corners.

 

 

4. Limits:

            Whether looking at one event only or a day or a lifetime, each is limited by the reality of the time and distance that can be covered by the person. This is shown by wrapping a “box” around this diagram.

 

 

 

5. AND for the person, each EXPERIENCE (event) at its ending will have been one of the four kinds shown next below.

 

 

The “AND” in each corner is the KEY. “AND” is the key which determines the SOCIAL OUTCOME of the particular experience which “I AND you” had. Outcomes?

            The drawing in Figure 5 is not “The OK Corral.” It is the personal experiences diagram. The OK CORRAL is the diagram showing how event experiences AND the result, the outcome action, are related. The OK Corral is shown in Figure A.

 

 

 

6. Each class of experience results in a specific class of social action.

These four different classes of experiences each lead to a unique specific social result. These four classes of resulting outcomes are shown here in the “leads to,” “results in,” causes” version of The OK Corral.

The OK Corral: Grid for What’s Happening shows how the OK/NOT-OKs in the actions between the person and the other party he is involved with are directly related to what happens to him, event by event, “If you do this … then (sorry or not) that’s going to happen!” The results you get socially with others come from the OK/NOT-OK given and taken personally.

            When you know what’s happening between “I&U” (the OKs/NOT-OKs being swapped with each other), then you can figure out which outcome – direction “I” will take after “it” is over. The pairing of the OK/NOT-OK “charges” which occurs in the event experience brings about, causes, leads to the SOCIAL RESULT of the event.

 

 

 

 

7. The “comes from” way of using the OK Corral: 

            When you know how “it” came out for “I”, which of the four classes of social outcome result “I” got, then you can figure how “I & U” ended with each other, what each of their OK charges, + or -, were. With The OK Corral when you know the outcome, then you can figure out what kind of OK/NOT-OK experience each of the two parties had with each other. The outcome, result of an event for a person comes from the experience of a particular combination of OK/NOT-OKs between himself and the other party. (figure 7)

Is this the “I told you so!” diagram?

            None of these outcomes (Get-On-With, Get-Away-From, Get-Nowhere-With, Get-Rid-Of) is either good or bad. The healthy person uses each of these at least once a day. You can’t Get-On-With everybody. But the better you can sort out what’s happening to you, what you are doing, the better you can organize and run your own life to get the Get-On-With’s you want.

 

 

 

 

8. What’s OK?:

The value, the attribute for “OK” will change from one time and place tot eh next. “What counts” isn’t going to be the same everywhere you go. It may be “timeliness” one place, “manners” in another, attractiveness, riches or “being pore,” a quick tongue, skill at jeering, family tree, control, power, personal choice (discretion) and others. Remember! Sometimes it is better to take a lower priority NOT-OK if it’s not your turf. Save your powder for another day. You don’t have to bet your life on proving you’re RIGHT and GOOD OK, when it’s not a life-or-death matter.

 

 

 

9. Reciprocity in life:

In the business of events of life we see event outcomes are “two way streets”, an outcome for me AND one for “you”, too. See Figure 9

 

 

 

10. Brevity:

            A major value of symbols is their ability to succinctly represent large segments of – reality at a glance. Symbol, diagram to left encapsulates diagrams 6 and 7. It shows at a glance how the OKs/NOT-OKs exchanged between two parties in an event are directly, reciprocally and mutually tied tot eh outcome of the person’s event AND how his outcome is tied to his exchanges of OKs/NOT-OKs.

 

 

 

11. Symbolized reality:

            Writing an “X” to define a Get-On-With, a fulfilled contract, such as making the last car payment and getting the pink slip.

 

 

 

 

12. The Time of your life in the OK Corral:

 

 

 

 

13. Red faces in the OK Corral:

 

 

 

 

14. Multiparty  events are ultimately settled by choosing sides, until there are only two. An “I” & “U” becomes a “we” vs. a “they.” A “they” then joins “we”; some join the final “they.” “Non-aligned” align themselves with one or the other OR are “evicted” (GRO). In court cases, prosecutors vs defendant, one by one, ie a series of two party events. Three (3) party groups are designed to prevent dissent, keep it a “we”; dissent leads to ganging up on dissenter.

 

 

 

15. The three styles of government as seen in the Grid for What’s Happening.

 

 

 

 

 

16. Reversible-Irreversible:

 

            The results of some events are permanent, others are not, are temporary. With most events you can have “overs”, eg get mad and runaway then come back with I’m sorry.” For some there are “no overs.”

 

 

 

 

17. OK Corral and rackets, racketeering behaviors:

            One advantage of the OK Corral is being able to see “emotional blackmail” for what it is. When you see the intent of these maneuvers for what they are, they become easier to handle. A behavioral racket is a specialized show of feeling sayings to the intended victim (without words) “You are NOT-OK.” Dramatic displays, these include: “You hurt my feelings.” “You’re confusing me.” “You’re scaring me.” “You make me feel guilty.” “You made me cry (burst into tears).” “You’re making me angry (mad, nervous, desperate, tired).”, etc.  These accusative maneuvers have as their objective, the coercive enforcement of some demand. Implicit or explicit, the accusation is that the other person has “done wrong” to the accuser. Used to excess, the anger racketeer is called “a spoiled child.” Emotional blackmail, racket behavior ---  the goal is the control of and enforcement of demands on the party at whom the “feeling” is aimed. Racket behaviors result in either a Get-Nowhere-With or a Get-Rid-Of of the one who stands accused. (Figures 17a and 17b.)

 

 

 

 

 

18. Next:

            A sampling of activities, expressions, attitudes, and events sorted into the OK Corral.

 

 

 

 

19. OK Corral in non-personal situations:

            These arrows can be used for events other than the “I” & “U”. The horizontal is used for the main party, the one in the driver’s seat.

            Work with Neighborhood Watch (anti-drug) Programs (NWP) within “Neighborhood Homeowner Association” areas (NHA) has shown a diversity of responses to NWP. These responses are sortable into the OK Corral, eg hampering, working against NWP. Some Associations work with Watches; others avoid, stay out of the way.

            In this diagram:    OK = (More) Important

 

 

 

 

20. Information on how to handle yourself AND how to sort and organize your dealings with others are Social Tools: just as are names, strokes, skills and money.

 

 

References  with web site links:

 

 

 

 

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